every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
