Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
