we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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