So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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