We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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