apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
