whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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