We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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