Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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