brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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