Just fell off a train. Bad.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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