Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
