He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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