Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
