They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
