I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
