You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
These tits shall not be calmed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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