my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person