just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
NoShamevember. You game?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again