Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.