I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there's paper in my vomit.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend