A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.