I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
