glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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