I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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