They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
