8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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