I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
