I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
