yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize