Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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