i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
