How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
