If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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