I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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