FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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