We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
