Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
