My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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