I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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