So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize