I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
