I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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