pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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