??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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