Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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