So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
