You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize