1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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