i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
