Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
