I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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