now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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