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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Come on in and take your pants off
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