Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
