I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
