If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize
