it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.