god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
