so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..