I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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