Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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