Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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