I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
