I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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