I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
