No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
