New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
