going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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