you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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