A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
