I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize