you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
