Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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