i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
