i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
