U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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